Never
by Crystal Delphina
Summary: The four part examination of the evolution of Faye & Spike's fragile and confusing relationship throughout the series. Faye's point of view during their rare moments of intimacy. Companion piece to Always. Parts: Wolf Eyes, Wolf Cub. Please R&R.
1. Part I: Wolf Eyes

Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to Cowboy Bebop in any sense, and simply watch and write about it for my own pleasure and entertainment to hopefully bring the same to others.

Wolf Eyes

By Crystal Delphina

Completed: June 1, 2003

-- -- --

_I don't know how it started._

"That bounty was mine, and you know it you ass," she ranted as she followed her comrade into the main den of the ship they called home.

"I believe I was the one who caught him," he replied easily, ignoring the looks of hatred she sent his way.

"Fuck off Spike."

"Why Faye, I didn't know you cared," he drawled, sending her a wink that only further irritated her.

After depositing the money on the table in front of Jet, Spike sauntered off towards his room, leaving the disgruntled Faye in his wake.

"What'd he do now?" Faye turned towards the older man who took a slow drag of his cigarette.

"**I **was the one that found Sedric. **I **was the one who chased his ship all over the city. **I **was the one that nearly got injured when I finally pinned him down. And then when the jerk escaped, lunkhead happened to be walking by, knocked him out and handed him over to the cops. Taking **my **950,000 woolong reward with him," Faye finished with a stamp of her foot.

"Not much you can do about it." Giving a shrill scream of outrage, Faye threw a nearby pillow at the back of Jet's head as he walked out the door with money in hand to most likely buy some food.

"I loathe all of mankind," she seethed through clenched teeth as she began walking down the halls of the Bebop towards her own room.

_I can't even precisely say when it started._

She moved to turn round the corner that would lead to her room near the back of the ship, when she suddenly found herself pressed against the cold metal of the walls. She was held in that position by a significant amount of weight pressing against her back.

_I don't even really care who started it._

"I always love it when you get angry," a husky voice whispered next to her ear. She could feel the warm breath caress her ear and side of her neck, causing her to hitch her breath briefly.

She growled audibly after regaining some control over her reactions. "I'm sure you do, you ass."

"Hmm...," a kiss was placed to the back of her neck, causing her breath to hitch again. "I see you're still upset about the bounty."

"Of course I am you lunkhead." She let out a hiss as she felt hands that had been pressing her to the wall by her shoulders, move over them to brush against the sides of her breasts.

"Apologize for calling me a lunkhead." His hands continued to stroke her, one moving in-between the wall and her belly to stroke the bare flesh there.

"Apologize for being an ass."

He gave a slight chuckle. "Never." He pressed her more firmly against the wall, the heat of his body on her back, and contrasting to the extremely cold metal that trapped her on the other side. Unconsciously, she moaned and arched her back against his chest, not at all surprised when she felt a hardness against her points of contact.

"Where's Jet?" He kissed her shoulder, the kisses moving up to her neck, where she stretched it to the side to provide easier access.

"He left."

"Good."

"And the kid and beast?" She arched her back again when he nipped lightly on her neck before continuing up to her ear.

"Asleep somewhere," he whispered against her ear before nibbling on the lobe. She moaned loudly, and did not protest when one of his legs moved in-between her own. She wasn't sure who was grinding against whom, but her position was leaving her open to all of his advances.

_However, to make things perfectly clear, I'm sure he's the one that came to me. The desperate dog._

Tired of having her backside assaulted, she managed to turn around within his hold of her. As soon as she did so, his hands slipped beneath her shorts, until they grasped her firm rear. Pulling her closer towards him, her feet lifted off the ground slightly, her legs instantly moving to wrap around his waist. Again, she was pressed against the wall firmly, this time however to help support herself against him. She moaned upon feeling his hardened member against her center of arousal. Her hands found themselves tangled with the hairs on his head as she felt him kiss the hollow of her throat.

_I guess all of our fighting really was sexual tension._

"We should go to my room," she managed to say between small gasps. His only reply was a grunt. She felt herself being pulled from the wall, his hands supporting her against his body fully now. She bent her head and began to caress the sides of his face, ear, and neck with her lips, tongue, and teeth.

_No I take that back. We hate each other with a passion. However, I love to hate._

She was not surprised when he passed right by her room, and continued onto his.

_Even when we fuck, we fight. It's always a power struggle._

Somehow, he made it there to his room without ravaging her right there in the hallways instead. Somehow, he opened the door to his room with her still wrapped around him in a most intimate manner. Somehow, he managed to support her with one hand once inside, and dispose of all of her clothing with the other before pushing her back onto his bed.

_Neither of us willing to give into the other first._

He gave a roguish grin upon seeing her flushed bare body. An arrogant pride filled him upon seeing her heated emerald gaze full of wanting. He smirked as she grabbed him by the tie to pull his lips down to hers, smashing their two faces together. He gave a small chuckle, knowing now that she no longer just wanted him, but needed him also.

_Neither willing to admit they need the other. Ever._

He pulled back only slightly to gaze down at the woman below him, his eyes holding laughter. Two different brown eyes looked down at her with barely restrained amusement, knowing what he was about to request would never be granted.

"Apologize for such rude behavior earlier."

Her eyes cleared slightly, the passion not diminishing, just becoming more determined.

"Never."

_An endless game._

She grabbed his tie again, forcing him towards a kiss he was more than willing to partake in. However, her other hand traveled down the front of his still clothed chest, unbuttoning buttons along the way, until the shirt hung open, exposing only his other shirt underneath. She gave an 'unladylike' grunt of frustration.

_I refuse to lose this game. _

He gave a small bark of laughter, and sat up from her inviting form, to throw off his shirts and undo his tie. Her hands reached greedily for his bare chest, her nails grazing over the hard form of his body.

_Losing means to give in. Losing means to admit the need. Losing means to..._

He gave a moan as hands explored all of the hard lines of his muscles. The exploring fingers outlined past battle scars. Lips soon accompanied them in a search for all of the delicate spots she had learned his body possessed. Her kisses made trails across his neck and shoulder blades; from the hardened nubs on his chest (which she paid particular attention to) to his lower torso. The sensations she provided through gentle suction and bites were amazing to say the least.

_feel._

He was kneeling over her, his hands supporting his upper body, allowing her to freely explore his exposed underside. He closed his eyes, and lowered his head as he let the feelings the woman below him was causing wash over him. Although it was all incredibly arousing, he strangely felt relaxed. He gave a small smile at the thought.

_He's always smiling. And when he does, you know it's some secret he's keeping from you and the rest of the world. That's fine. We don't ask about each others secrets._

He grunted when he felt her hands begin to wander further down until she undid the fastening to his pants, her mouth still busily at work with his chest.

_His eyes always hide secrets too. Those brown eyes that always can pierce right through you. I have a feeling he's figured out all my secrets, which is incredibly unfair._

She didn't bother to try to remove his pants, as her hand slipped inside of the waistband of his boxers to grasp his hardened arousal. His arms shook slightly, threatening to lose support and crush her body against his and against the awaiting mattress underneath.

_The past is the past, and that's all it is. Neither of our concern._

She gave a firm stroke.

_All that matters these days is to win the game. Especially before..._

His blissful, passion filled haze, only slightly recognized that she had stopped kissing him. He was unaware to the wicked grin she was giving him as she gazed at his face. His eyes were closed, sweat forming on his brow, breath coming in small moans through gritted teeth. He was unguarded. He was hers for the taking.

_The best way to win is to treat it like a bounty hunt. Rule number one is always: Don't get attached to the prey._

He only dimly heard her voice through the haze. When she repeated it more firmly, emphasizing with a slightly harder tug, he heard her clearly.

"Apologize for stealing my bounty." His eyes flashed as he took back in the sight of her beneath him and the fiendishly disarming smile she possessed.

"Never," he growled out. He purposefully let his arms give out on his support, and indeed crushed her to the bed. Both gasped slightly at finally feeling their bare chest touch each other. With her mouth open in such a way, he reacted quickly and invaded its heated moist depths with his tongue, seeking to battle hers.

_Rule number two: Look for any weakness on their part._

He pulled away only enough to nibble on her bottom lip. He pulled back further to slide down her form. Instantly, he attached his mouth around one of her hardened nipples, his left hand moving to massage her right breast. She instinctively gasped harder, and arched her back, trying to get his mouth to take more of her in.

_Rule number three: Don't allow them to see your own weaknesses and exploit them._

Her hands firmly grasped his head and tried to shove him against her, but he avoided the attempt, only smiling against her aroused flesh. He switched his ministrations to the neglected identical mound. Knowing that he would not do as she asked, she let herself be content by running her fingers repeatedly through his hair.

_Rule number four: Move quickly to take defensive actions._

Although her hands were busy, their legs were intertwined. She quickly began using her own to try to shift his pants down. Although she was not able to move them down incredibly far, it was enough to move them down to his knees. He moaned against her when she lifted her hips to grind against his own.

_Rule number five: Capture the prey by any means possible. That is the best way to catch a bounty._

Her hands moved to grasp his boxers and move them down.

_But remember, by all means, **do not** get attached. _

Removing his mouth from her chest, he swiftly sat up and finished her job at removing his final pieces of clothing. She grinned upon seeing him finally uncovered. Tired of dragging out their game, he fell on top of her to pin her to him; to feel every part he had been yearning for, against him. He smiled upon her making room for him willingly; her legs moving to allow his body to rest between them.

_Does he love me?_

He kissed her deeply.

_Not at all._

Her hands had found their way to the sides of his face to hold him to her.

_Of this, I am sure._

His hands moved across her body in heated paths. He had to feel her beneath him; had to prove she was still in fact there beneath him eagerly. He lifted his body up above hers by his arms again.

_Do I love him?_

He positioned himself above her entrance.

_Not at all._

Their gazes locked in the slight moment of hesitation.

_Of this I am..._

Brown met green.

_I am..._

Secrets collided as their souls were briefly bared.

_I swear I know the difference between lust and love._

He plunged himself into her moist depths with an accompanying searing kiss to her lips.

_I swear it._

He pulled out immediately to only bury himself amongst her welcoming body again.

_This is just a game. Lust is just a game. And this is only a game._

To claim her.

_A game we are both determined to win. I will win before this game is forced to come to an end._

She would give into him, in whatever form that meant; he would make sure of that.

_Our fighting and sex is the same. I will be the victor in both forms._

She moved in time with him. Her legs wrapped around his waist to allow him further access to her nadir. The act provided both with more pleasure.

_I wil**l** win before he leaves._

She did not hear the husky moans he made against her skin. He did not hear the gasps of pleasure or screams of passion as her nails clawed at his back.

_I **will** win this game. I won't let him dominate me._

She could feel the heat consume her with his continuous drives. She knew he also was reaching his edge. And as what always happened when they knew their climax was imminent, they both restrained the natural urge for release.

_This is just a game. All it ever is, is a game. I hate this man._

She managed to open her eyes to see him staring intently at her. His gazed penetrated her just as deeply as his continued movements. She answered his unvoiced challenge by also staring back up at him, her face expressionless. She would win this match of wills. She would hold out on her own pleasurable release to see him melt before her.

_Of this, I am...sure._

A voice reached her ears. She was not sure who's it was. It could have been hers or his. She wasn't even sure if it had been uttered by either of them. It echoed in her mind though, making her pay attention to its demand.

"Apologize."

_He will give into me. I will not crumble before him. Why?_

His eyes glinted in something she could not recognize and she feared for a spilt second the animalistic look she saw there. She could no longer ponder the look though, as he pervaded her mouth with a single ravaging of her tongue. Then just as suddenly, he released all hold on her.

He pulled out of her completely, and propped himself above her, still panting. He waited for his request to be fulfilled before finally completing their act.

_Because he is the only man that can see me. The real me._

"Never."

_I will **never** give into this man._

He managed a smirk.

_I **hate** this man._

"Perfect."

_The only man in this solar system..._

He thrust himself into her one last time, claiming her lips along the way. Her nails tore across his back, while her legs tightened their hold around his waist.

_that can break me. Of this, I am sure._

Release came for both of them simultaneously, while their mouths still conquered the other's.

Neither had won the match.

His body pressed her own resolutely beneath him. After a moment, after their hearts had slowed and their breathing quieted, he rolled to the side, pulling her with him. He held her tightly to his chest.

She stared attentively at his face as he closed his eyes with a satisfied smile of victory.

_The bastard._

He would fall asleep soon.

_I abhor this man._

She would get up soon after that and dress.

_I detest this wicked game._

He would stir from his sleep and languidly watch her prepare to leave his room.

_I will win it though if I am forced to play._

His eyes would follow her about the living quarters as she picked up her clothing. He would smile knowing the next time he saw her, they would most likely bicker again.

_It's all right though, because we aren't attached. We are just the other's toy. Something to play with when we get lonely or horny._

She would pause at the doorway, as she was about to step out into the vacant hallways of the ship. She would look back at the bed she just left, then to the man who still lounged amongst the sheets.

_He doesn't love me. He loves someone else already._

For a split second, he would be able to see that vulnerability she masked so well. That was, until she would throw him a wink, and walk out of his door. She would already be preparing for their next confrontation.

He would fall back onto his bed as the door slid shut and wait patiently for them to exchange words again. He would look forward to that moment when he could prove to her that he was in fact right and always would be.

_And I do not love him. I don't need anyone to love._

But for now, she would trace the lazy circles across his chest with her fingertips. She would let him rub his hands across her back. She would let him continue to hold her possessively, with their legs entangled with one another.

_Of this, I am... Oh God, I hope I am sure. Because I don't want to love. Not with this man. All I want to do is just..._

She would allow herself to enjoy this little piece of normalcy. She would let her worries of debts fall away to be replaced by a man that enraged her so she could concentrate on defeating him solely. They could continue to create these small quantities of time where the rest of the world no longer mattered and they could both just...

_Exist._

However, she knew it was only temporary. She knew her dreams would never reach fruition.

_Never._

"Never."

"No, never."

* * *

Never Part I: Wolf Eyes is based upon an original work that takes place before episode 15.

Three parts remain for the cowgirl.


	2. Part II: Wolf Cub

Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to Cowboy Bebop in any sense, and simply watch and write about it for my own pleasure and entertainment to hopefully bring to the same to others.

A.N.: Dedicated to my two lovely betas which did an amazing job helping me fine tune this piece. Thank you Meaghan and Virginia.

Wolf Cub

By Crystal Delphina

Completed: April 6, 2007

-- -- --

They sat there for a few minutes, watching the white static on the screen, frozen and confused as to what they had just witnessed. They sat there, looking to see if there would be more.

All four members of the Bebop crew sat and stared at the screen in silence. That was the case at least until they heard the click of heels leaving the entrance to the den, then the footsteps retreating down the hallway, increasing in speed, until they finally gave up listening as the echo disappeared . Then only three members of the Bebop crew sat in the den, simply looking towards the now empty entrance.

They didn't see her at dinner when Jet served rice and what had been a dehydrated fish from Ganymede. She never appeared for the briefing on a new target they had planned on pursuing the next day, earlier in the week before the shipping surprise had come. And there was no sign of her when her comrades of legal drinking age partook in their nightly ritual of booze and pointless bickering, a favorite pastime of hers that she never missed.

Faye did not leave her room until three in the morning Mars orbital time.

_Who am I?_

The ship was silent except for the gentle hum of engines and operational systems and only a few dim lights glowed on their night settings. Her head poked out of her door, glanced either direction down her hall, and upon determining there were no sleepwalkers, she stepped out and headed towards the mess.

She quietly snuck down the halls, thankful that her socks were silent upon the metal floors. She was in no mood to confront other members of the ship at the moment. It was difficult enough with her own questions. She didn't need theirs as well to add to the already mounting confusion.

_I ask myself that question nearly every day._

Her stomach gave a small growl, as she approached the kitchen area, trying to decide if she should grab an instant ramen or a nondescript can of mystery. However, in the middle of the counter sat a small container filled with the rice and fish from that night's dinner, an unexpected gift from one of the crewmembers, which surprised her. In all likelihood it had been Jet, who had possibly managed to overlook his current displeasure with her and the money she owed him. 'Maybe if he's feeling extremely generous, he'll just forget that little debt I owe him for the C.O.D.s altogether,' she considered, as she opened the fridge to grab a beer. She took a seat at the counter and began to slowly eat her 'dinner' in contemplative silence.

She had started walking back towards her room after the initial shock from viewing that disturbing… (what had Ed referred to it as? A zeta tape? No that didn't sound right…a…beta. A beta tape, that's right) beta tape had worn off but after a few feet her pace quickened, and finally by the time she rounded the corner to make her way to her hallway, she was sprinting. She tried to run as far away from that tape and that gray dead static screen as fast as possible.

_I wish I could pretend I didn't care about my past. Trust me, I really do._

When she had finally reached her room, smashed her fingers against the keypad to unlock the door, and managed to get all the way to her bed before she finally allowed herself to cry, she was rather proud of herself in a strange sense. Part of her had dreaded the possibility that on the trek back to her room she would break down crying against one of the ship walls. An even larger part of her dreaded the idea that she might have begun crying right there in the den in front of the others, which would have been unacceptable; she would never allow herself to be that weak around them.

Panic had overtaken her while lying on her bed; her heart beat too rapidly to be healthy, her short breaths were labored, and the tears just wouldn't seem to stop, despite her attempts to wipe them away and squeeze her eyes tightly shut. Her chest felt compressed, as if someone were squeezing the air from her lungs and clutching her heart in a steel grip. She allowed herself the momentary consideration of jumping into her ship and going for a 'drive', but then reached the conclusion that it would be a dangerous and reckless decision. And yes, every now and again, she was capable of deciding **not** to pursue dangerous and reckless courses of action.

After forty-seven excruciating minutes of having difficulty breathing, crying and frantic heartbeats, she fell into an emotionally exhausted sleep.

_But the truth of the matter is that finding out who I am, is the only thing that's kept me going the past few years. Oh, and avoiding bill collections._

Dreams of a young girl plagued her. A young girl who was laughing, smiling, had bright eyes and a wide grin. A girl who was surrounded by girls her own age, who must have been her friends. A young girl with sparkling green eyes and short purple hair that looked as if it hadn't been brushed in a while. The girl played at a park, with large grass hills, water fountains, and trailing paths through wooded areas. The girl slept in a large pink bed, in a large pink room filled with dolls and toys and brightly colored pictures of friends and family.

_Who am I?_

The girl was a complete stranger. Faye had never seen her before in her life. And though they may have looked similar, their personalities were completely opposite, along with their choices in room décor. Her room now was a bare steel cage littered with crushed cigarette cartons and dozens of cigarette butts, rounds of ammo, pistols, various other gadgets to assist in bounty hunting, and wrinkled clothes; certainly no pictures or personal comfort items. Even her bed was a generic dull blue which she picked because she figured it was a safe bet that it might have been her favorite color in her previous life. According to the horrible tape, she had picked wrong.

The dreams she had that night were not memories; not her memories at least. The dreams were merely the tape rewound and played again and again in her mind – a nightmare stuck on playback where she was forced to play someone who was nothing like her.

_Who am I supposed to be?_

She awoke in a cold sweat, the sheets twisted around her frame and her pillow damp from tears. She felt a dull ache in her stomach, at which point she decided it was time to get up, splash some cold water on her face, sneak out of her room, and go on a reconnaissance mission for food and booze.

Her 'meal' finished, and tired of dwelling on the dreams, Faye stood up, grabbing her beer in the process, and decided to start heading back towards her room. However, after only a few steps, she paused and reconsidered her actions. Quickly spinning back around, she returned to the counter, scooped the dishes up off the surface and pushed them into the already open dishwasher; it was the least she could do in return for Jet's kindness. Upon further consideration, she also paused to grab herself a second beer out of the fridge. Done with her night raid, she shut the lights off and left the room.

Wandering down the dark ship corridors, she glanced down the corridor that would lead to the den, and then quickly made a detour towards it. The door slid open, the only light coming from Ed's Tomato screen, thought the teen girl and her canine companion were nowhere in sight. Seeing the…screenbox… (was it called a television? Fucking old antiques were pointless) and the beta player beside it, she rushed over to search the device for the mysterious tape. Her hand slid inside the slot, feeling for the hard plastic tape, but there was nothing there.

Surprised and now somewhat anxious over its apparent disappearance, she looked on either side of the beta player and the screenbox, the tape showing up in neither location. She got down on her hands and knees and began looking underneath and behind, searching near the coffee table, shuffling and moving things around. She even rummaged through the box that the beta player had come in, throwing the packaging foam in all directions as she dug through the box only to come up empty handed. She briefly considered tipping the box over and shaking it out, but not wanting to clean up the resulting mess, and not needing further wrath from Jet, she decided against it. The tape was clearly gone.

"Maybe Jet's not such a saint and is actually holding it ransom," she muttered bitterly, getting up from the floor with a sigh. She snatched her beers off of the top of the…screenbox (really...what the hell had Ed called it?) and stomped back towards her room, only to find her arch nemesis leaning against the wall beside the door with his arms crossed over his bare chest, an unlit cigarette resting in his lips.

_How do you define me?_

She didn't acknowledge him - not even with a glance, as she shifted both cans to one hand and used the free one to unlock her door using the keypad. She walked in and, without a word, he followed, an invitation not needed between the two. Although the room was small, it could comfortably fit the two with her half sitting/ half reclining on her bed, and with him straddling a chair, his arms crossed over the back of it. The silence stretched on between the two, even when she handed him the extra beer she had intended to keep for herself as a late night pick me up. They drank, stillness wrapping around them in the dimly lit room, occasionally holding eye contact, before one of them would break it to examine some random aspect of the room or inspect the remaining contents of their bottle.

Finally there was an, "I don't want to talk about it."

And to her surprise…

"Good, neither do I."

_The gypsy. The lush. The gambler. The cheater. The manipulator. The con. The liar. The thief._

A thin eyebrow quirked in response to his unexpected reply. Upon further contemplation, the eyebrow resumed its natural resting place. The fact of the matter was that he wasn't a terribly nosy or curious person in general when it came to other people's affairs. This fact was only further highlighted when it came to matters involving the female bounty hunter. He seemed to reach new heights of apathy. With this in mind, she shouldn't have been taken aback by his retort.

In some far corner of her mind, she allowed herself a fleeting moment of disappointment, but quickly shoved the emotion aside. She didn't care either. Not really at least. Truth be told, it wasn't important whether she was upset or not, especially since it wouldn't make a difference to him either way.

She downed the rest of her can with a large audible gulp.

_I am not sweet. A cheerleader. I don't have best friends. I've never had best friends._

The bed squeaked ever so softly as she got off of it and walked the short three paces across the room to toss the bottle into her already overflowing trashcan. Her hand brushed the side of his arm unintentionally as she headed back towards her bed, and before she could really react his arm snaked from behind her to grab her securely around the waist.

She wasn't startled. She wasn't surprised. She didn't gasp. She instead continued to look straight ahead towards her bed, as if he hadn't just interrupted her journey. The only sign that he had was simply that she wasn't moving forward any longer. However, she was aware of how warm the skin of his arm was around her bare midriff, even though the room wasn't that cold. She could feel his fingers pressing against her, curling ever so slightly as they made small movements to stroke her back. She could also hear him moving against the chair, his can being placed on the desk nearby, and the rustle of clothes as he stood. Soon there were two arms around her waist with fingers stroking the soft skin they found, and a nose pressed against the back of her head breathing in the scent of her hair.

She continued to stare straight ahead.

_At least as far as I knew…_

"Why'd you come?" she whispered into the semi darkness.

"Because you need me." Warm breath tickled the nape of her neck as lips moved against the skin there, breathing out the barely audible words in husky whispers, "because you need me right now."

"You know that's not true."

"Liar."

He moved his right hand from her hip to press his palm flat against her taunt stomach.

When he had so casually called her a liar, her eyes closed; it was pointless to argue with him further, when he was telling the truth.

_How do you define me? What do you see when you look at me?_

Bringing his other arm up, he wrapped it around the front of her shoulders, securely embracing her from behind and keeping her close to him. He placed a kiss to her back right at the center between her shoulder blades, and the fingers that were wrapped around her shoulder blades gave a gentle squeeze.

"Whether you like it or not, I'm here, and it's because you need me." It seemed to her that his whispered words cut harshly through the air, as she was forced to face the truth in them. She didn't want to have to deal with any more realities today; it was all beginning to be too much. All she wanted at this point was their normal catty relationship with the man behind her; she wanted to get into a meaningless fight, wanted him to yell at her and roll his eyes, wanted to stomp her foot and call him an idiot. She wanted her life to go back to its so called 'normal' state, the one she had acquired while here on the Bebop, and the one that he had helped to shape.

"Stop saying that," she softly growled back in reply.

But that wasn't possible at the moment. She was too tired and too drained to even attempt to fight with him. And as much as her mind demanded she reset the balance in their precarious relationship, her heart yearned to accept the comfort and security he was willing to offer right now.

However Faye, being Faye, formed a compromise that only made logical sense to her. She wouldn't be weak and rely upon him, but she wouldn't break out into a pointless argument either. All she wanted from him at the moment was for him to help mask the feelings and the thoughts that had been a whirlwind in her head since the beginning of the evening. She just didn't want to feel for a few precious stolen moments - free from her confining and confusing past.

She placed her hand over the one that was resting against her stomach, and taking a deep breath, she leaned back against his frame allowing herself to be further enveloped by his presence and hold around her. He placed his chin atop her shoulder and tilted his head to the side to rest against her own.

Silence ensued in the small metal room, and she gradually began to feel uncomfortable and grow anxious with the situation. Their embrace was much too…intimate, as many of their interactions these days had grown to be. If things of this sort kept up, she might actually begin to fool herself into thinking that the lunkhead behind her actually cared about her, a costly misjudgment on her part. This was not the time for intimacy, to appear as if they were more than just casual lovers and begrudging comrades – it was not a good time (nor ever would be) to look as if they actually cared for each other. She had to change things quickly before either of them became disillusioned.

_Do you feel anything when you look at me?_

She took a small step forward to loosen his hold, and then turned to face him, looking up directly into the dark brown eyes that looked nearly black in the shadowy room. She imagined she could see herself reflected in the dark coffee colored eyes, could see him taking her in, sizing her up, scrutinizing the expressions that flickered briefly across her face before being replaced by her mask. She imagined he saw her and saw something new, exciting, something he had been needing and wanting, something that she could provide. She imagined that…

Suddenly standing up on her toes, she gained the necessary few inches to close the height difference between them and capture his lips with her own, her hands finding their way to his bare shoulders. She gripped the hard flesh she found there, trying to stabilize her precarious balance against his solid frame, and trying to deepen the furtive kiss that had caught him off guard. Because she so rarely was able to surprise him, she took the brief advantage to slip her tongue into the warm recesses of his mouth, silently urging him to react in kind.

Large hands - rough and calloused from martial arts, fixing the Swordfish and the metal of his guns – closed around her hips, pulling her firmly against him as he kissed her back fiercely. He began walking forwards, forcing her to take small steps backwards, moving towards the bed as they kept kissing, fighting for dominance with desperate lips and fleeting touches upon each others flesh. She let him guide them both to across the small room crowded with the clutter of forgotten clothes, abandoned makeup laying on surfaces, the occasional beer can stuffed in a corner. Other than these material and wasteful things, there was nothing within the room that defined her. There were no pictures on the walls, nothing permanent, completely different from that foreign room found on the flickering screen.

She didn't know why she was thinking about the lack of pictures or hideous pink rooms when the man with her was slipping his hands underneath her loose yellow top and feeling the soft skin found there. She realized with alarm that she wasn't concentrating on what was going on - wasn't concentrating on him - and was allowing herself to dwell on exactly the things she didn't want to. Fingers laced into the dark curls of his hair, urgently pulling down to deepen the kiss further as her eyes slid shut. She began to slowly descend to the mattress below, pulling him down with her, when she felt the backs of her knees hit the edge of the bed, causing her to sit down. Instead of feeling him pushing her to lie back, as she had expected, she felt him kneel beside the bed, in-between her legs, their lips now level. Puzzled, she pulled back slightly to regard him, and he gave a small lopsided mischievous grin.

Somewhere, deep inside, some of the weight upon her heart lifted with that smile. But those brown eyes pierced her soul and made her want to close her eyes.

_I'm not that little girl. I never will be. She's sweet, nice, kind, happy…_

Their eyes locked as he moved his head to her exposed neck, placing kisses upon the pale skin there and drawing a small pleasurable sigh from the woman. He moved his kisses down along the sides of her neck to her collarbone and then the small amount of skin exposed above her shirt that led directly to her chest. Without bothering to ask, he undid the fastening of the yellow top, allowing her breasts to spill out from their confines. She hissed as the chilled air of the room moved across her exposed flesh, but soon a mouth sought to rectify the situation with warm kisses and licks. She held his head tightly against her, urging him to continue lavishing her with his tongue, and was mildly disappointed when instead of the continued attention to her breasts as she had expected, he moved in-between the mounds to begin kissing his way down to her navel.

Hands that had previously been preoccupied with the small of her back after they had unhooked her shirt were now were traveling down her sides, sending small shivers coursing through her body. They rested firmly upon her hips and his fingers slipped beneath the waistband of her shorts, only managing to pull them down slightly. Taking the hint, and desperate to have the cloth barrier gone, she lifted her hips to allow him to slide the offending article of clothing away, tossing it haphazardly behind him. The shorts could easily be found and retrieved in the morning; Faye wanted him now.

He paused to glance up at her, and she feared for a moment what he would see in the glazed green depths. Were her eyes too cold and unfeeling? Too warm and inviting? Too truthful or too filled with lies? Too young or too old? Could he see the want in them? Or did he see the thinly veiled need there as well? She bit her bottom lip in worry, as he kept looking straight into her eyes, and she feared the analytical gaze. She couldn't take his scrutinizing her any longer and she closed her eyes, trying to lose herself in the sensations of her body. She couldn't decide if his gaze was causing the warm feelings swirling through her or if they were being dampened by his steel cold look.

She just wanted to be lost in physical feelings and pleasures.

_I could never be that._

"Look at me Faye." His warm breath sent shivers down her spine as it hit her stomach, and she tried to ignore the instinct to obey his command. She didn't want to look, not quite yet, not when she still was struggling to maintain the façade.

Another shiver struck her when she realized she was no longer sure what façade she was trying to keep up. What mask was she supposed to be wearing now? The vixen or the shy damsel in distress?

Dimly, the image of a little girl flashed in her mind's eye. A young teenage girl she neither recognized nor could call a stranger.

_Do you see her…and wish that she was me?_

She bit the inside of her lip. He kissed the inside of her thigh. The simultaneous actions brought her back to the moment, and she let out a deep sigh and finally opened her eyes. She couldn't allow herself to get lost in her own thoughts, and closing her eyes seemed to result in that unwanted situation.

She locked eyes with the man who was currently kneeling in between her legs and scrutinizing her face.

He placed another kiss on the inside of her thigh, this time closer to her center, closer to where she wanted him to be. He slowly ran his hand up the inside of the other thigh, and as the hand moved its way up her flesh, the small kisses followed on their own set path. Each of his movements seemed torturously slow, torturously arousing in his leisurely approach, and all the while they continued to intently look at each other. His stare, as he casually kissed the sensitive skin of the juncture at the top her thigh, heightened the heated excitement that surrounded her.

He paused, as her sex was framed by his hand on one side and his lips painfully close on the other, and she felt her breath catch as she finally saw some deep struggle in her comrade. She saw it there, hidden within dark brown irises, that although he obviously he enjoyed his own games, he too was wanting her. Desire. It was there, right there, and she could see it.

That, more than anything else, almost made her jump up from her prone position to trap him on the floor and have sex right there. Thankfully her restraint prevailed.

She was rewarded when after those few moments pause, he bent his neck down to her center, those brown eyes still gazing at her, and dipped his tongue between her moist folds, and after a few slow long licks began to greedily invade the warmth there, sucking and licking with fervor. She had to resist the incredible urge at that moment to close her eyes, and instead settled on a quiet low moan. She felt him smirk against her as he dutifully continued his task of bringing her intense pleasure, and although she attempted a scowl, she quickly gave up in favor of beginning to try and move her hips in time with his ministrations. Fingers previously twisted into the starch blue sheets of her bed, found their way to tangle into the dark curly locks of his hair, using their grip to push his head down towards her further, trying to deepen the shallow penetration. He momentarily considered ignoring her silent pleas for more in favor of prolonging the teasing. But that changed when her legs wrapped around him, squeezing against his back, and she began panting his name. Liquid fire curled its way through his stomach and loins, as her husky voice filled his ears, a small groan admitting from his own lips before finally delving deeper as she desired. When her hips became more active, trying to move against his mouth, his grip upon her waist tightened to pin her to the bed, with little resistance on her part.

She was so close to the edge. So very, very close. Just a few more licks, just a flick or two of his tongue against her nub, would send her crashing into sensual oblivion. She moaned his name again and arched her back welcoming her impending orgasm.

He pulled away much to her frustration. Thoughts of ways to sexually torture him as an act of revenge swam rapidly through her head despite the fog of arousal in her brain.

When he slowly looked up from in between her legs, a sly smirk forming, she downright wanted to murder him - after they fucked.

_Please…just see…me… and no one else_

She sat up as best she could and shot him an icy glare, to which there was no response except his devilish smile.

"Why the hell did you stop??"

"Oh, did you want me to continue?" She wasn't certain, but it looked as if he was waggling his eyebrows at her. Was that even possible?

Now a normal 'Faye response' would have included a roll of her eyes and lethal words from her sharp and sarcastic tongue - most likely followed by a slap against the side of his head for punctuation. So you can imagine his surprise when instead of the expected customary retort, she instead managed to sit up and lean towards him, her hands going to either side of face and fingers lacing into his hair. Tilting her head to the side, she moved her lips to his ear, grazing the lobe with her teeth.

"I not only wanted you to continue, I wanted you to make it even better by joining me in the finish."

The sultry whispered words made his eyes darken and his previous smirk quickly strained into a thin set line.

Without another word between them, he moved his head to capture her lips in a harsh kiss, her mouth opening without hesitation to welcome his intruding tongue. With one fluid movement, he managed to rise up and push her back onto the bed, lips lock throughout the whole ordeal of him falling atop her and readjusting their limbs to latch onto one another. The bed quickly became a mess of dislodged sheets, legs wrapped together, hands clutching at anything they could grasp onto, and a missing pillow that had been knocked down to the floor, forgotten in the desperate need to be closer. As he continued to ravage her mouth with his own, both of their hands moved for his sweatpants simultaneously, fighting to pull the elastic down past his hips and then knees. Finally he kicked the black pants away and she could feel his hardened member rubbing against the inside of her thigh.

She could feel his shoulders tense as he resisted the urge to penetrate her and instead choose to break their kiss and move his lips to trail down her rose tinted chest. He panted against her skin, tasting the slight traces of salty perspiration on her skin. He rested his head against her bosom, pressing his forehead to the space between, breathing deeply and trying to regain control over his frazzled senses.

She moaned his name again and pressed her hips upward against his, urging him to move and relieve some of the mounting tension. His head shot up to look at her half lidded eyes laced with desire. Shoulders tensed again and his mouth seemed to go impossibly dry just from looking at her.

She dug her nails into the skin of his back, a mischievous light growing behind her dark green eyes, "Tell me, do you plan to ever move?"

"Be quiet, you," he replied by greedily capturing her lips again. And with his lunge upwards to do so, he finally slide within her slick passage, to their mutual relief.

Their movements were erratic at first, unable to time their thrusts in their frantic need for pleasure; small grunts and moans filled the air despite the inconsistent pace. Even with his bruisingly hard grip upon her hip and her thigh to pull her tighter against him, and trying to synchronize their actions, she still seemed to have no sense of pace, her speed and movements fluctuating as she wildly clawed at his skin trying to find purchase.

Despite her best intentions, her thoughts drifted back to earlier in the day as he moved against her. She led a different life just a mere fifteen hours ago and now things had changed. She hadn't wanted them to change, not this way, but they had regardless. She wanted time to stop. She wanted to rewind the day and go back, just as in the tape. Letting those fuzzy bits of 'memories' that kept appearing, to be sucked back into her subconscious, into the black vortex. She wanted it all to rewind, erase, to never have had it happen.

With his head nestled against the crook of her neck, he could feel her erratic pulse against his lips that occasionally lightly nipped at the juncture of her shoulder. Finally fed up with the actions that seemed to be getting nowhere, he raised himself up to lean over her, resting all his weight on outstretched arms placed on either side of her shoulders. Her eyes were closed and white teeth delicately bit her lower lips as purples strands of hair, darkened from sweat, stuck to her forehead. She looked lost.

When he pulled away from her, although he still remained inside of her, her labored breathing stilled momentarily and she lazily opened her eyes, having to concentrate on the face that seemed to waver above her. "What's wrong?" she asked, panting and trailing her hands from his back to grip lightly at the sides of his neck. "Come now, you can't already be done?" she said, giving a coy smile.

"What do you want Faye?"

_Now I'm thinking… that I wish I hadn't found her. Because 'my only self' is…has grown to be…_

Her smile faltered as her face froze in brief panic, her dark emerald eyes widening, as mahogany eyes seemed to pierce her fro the umpteenth time that night. "W-what do you mean?" she asked, trying to give a small grin that really only made one corner of her mouth rise. When he didn't smile back, much less change the grim expression on his face, she gave up the failed pretense of confusion, and instead looked back at him with an equally serious look.

"I mean what do you want right now, because it doesn't appear to be… this," he muttered, emphasizing his point with a small thrust forward, bringing their bodies together again. The question echoed in her mind, near impossible to answer at the moment. To answer the question would be to admit to dwelling on her unhappy thoughts, even during sex, and admit to the deep need within her to erase them, if only for a few stolen hours. "I _do_ want this," she said softly, pressing up against him as best she could, eager to convey her words physically. The fleeting glimpse of wavering resistance was there in his eyes and demonstrated by the small groan he gave with her attempt to coax him back into sex. Her fingers pressed down firmly against the back of his neck and shoulders as she used them as leverage to lift herself up again, pressing against him harder resulting in his member moving deeper inside of her. A much louder groan emitted from his lips on her third thrust, and on the fourth, he was fully back on top of her, their thrusts finally timed correctly to heighten their pleasure.

She kept her eyes open this time, concentrating solely on everything that involved the two of them, everything that was that current moment of lust and desire and nothing else; everything that kept her from thinking her dark thoughts concerning the 'past'. Anything that allowed her to fool herself into believing that the 'past' was of no importance to her and the only thing that mattered was the man above her with whom she was having sex. If she didn't fool herself, she ran the dangerous risk of being unable to fool him, and he was far too perceptive to allow such a transgression to take place. Hot wet kisses consumed her mouth, breathy moans and rough grunts filled her ears, and fiery touches fueled her pleasure and desire allowing her to get lost in the lie as the pressure within her center mounted.

_A fraud._

She could feel the end nearing, waiting with eager anticipation to be thrown into the dark abyss of ecstasy. And judging by his increasingly forceful drives into her, he too was very close to the edge. His head moved beside her own, his mouth right over her ear, his voice a husky whisper as he had trouble managing to form the words, "What do you want Faye?" His hand slid down her side to move between them and move between the soft dark purple curls to press firmly against the engorged jewel he found there. Her back arched and she gasped loudly, wrapping her legs firmly around the backs of his thighs and calves, any type of logical thought, much less attempts at speech, leaving her brain in a flurry. "Tell me what you want," he repeated for the third time that night and made the move to make her move into him again and make her give that enticing moan that made him shudder.

"I want to forget," the words slipping out of her mouth before she could even process what she was saying. Small tendrils of fear in regards to his reaction crept up, trying to reach out and obliterate the drug like haze that kept the reality of herself at bay. Much to her relief, he did not still their hurried movements or turn to look at her in shock or confusion; it seemed that no other words were needed as he understood immediately what she meant. In fact, in response, he moved his head to kiss her again attempting to greedily steal precious breathes of air from her already overexerted lungs. The result was a true haze that muddled her mind and made her feel as if she was disconnected from her body, floating and no longer herself. All she could do was feel.

But that little girl still stood there, off in the distance, waving her arms in an attempt to be noticed.

_I'm sorry me. I'm sorry I wasn't who you wanted me to be. If you are in fact me._

She wanted to erase the tape. Again. Just as it had been erased fifty years ago. She didn't want that film back now. Didn't want dream-like memories – just wanted the black unknowing void back.

_And I'm sorry that when you look at me…_

"So forget then," he mumbled against her lips, peering at her through bangs that hung over his eyes. Despite the dim lighting that gave a dull hue to everything in the room, her eyes still seemed to sparkle and he could tell she was deeply contemplating his offer, despite the more 'pressing' matter. He stilled within her, waiting for her answer. Suddenly she moved upwards, forcefully pressing her lips against his and her hands gripping him even tighter to her. When she finally pulled back from the harsh and needy kiss, that coy look of mischief was boiling behind her gaze, the look that he was used to receiving from her; that look alone managed to speak volumes and answer the question.

"Fuck me," she said. He grunted as she pulled her hips back to the best of her limited capabilities, the friction making him bite the inside of his cheek. Wisely, he took her cue, and pulled back as well till only the head of his pulsing length was at her opening. "Fuck me," she repeated, her eyes holding a challenge in their green depths. He momentarily held her gaze before deciding to take the bait. Pushing himself fully into her, they began their rapid thrusting, working in tandem to bring the other closer to desired completion. "Fuck me so I can forget me," she whispered breathily against his shoulder, the small plea barely reaching his ears above the sound of his heartbeat.

"Faye…," was all he could manage as he felt the end nearing. She gasped and writhed beneath him, moaning his name as she finally allowed the pleasure to completely wash over her, quickly losing herself in pure _feeling_. She lost herself in feeling him - in being with him - and having nothing else matter during those few precious moments as her veins seemed to pulse with barely contained heat that was threatening to ignite into flames. And with that heat and the impending flames of orgasm, any remaining traces of an adolescent girl in a cheerleading outfit and pompoms vanished in a white hot light that filled her vision.

She let loose a hoarse yell that filled the small room and echoed off the metal walls, soon joined by his own deep groans, which accompanied the release of his seed.

_I'm sorry that I don't know who I am._

They lay there on her small bed amongst the disheveled sheets, heavy panting interrupted by the occasional small kiss given to the side of a neck or a shoulder; a tangle of sweaty limbs and bodies. As the last intoxicating feelings of their orgasmic rush began to fade, he finally pulled out of her and moved to her side, wrapping an arm around her waist and pulling her firmly against him so they faced each other. She felt one of his hands come up; the light touch of his fingertips traced along her chin and move up the line of her jaw to cross over onto her still flushed cheeks. When those fingers brushed against her still closed lids, she realized she had no choice but to face the reality of life, despite her precious but brief escape. Slowly she allowed her eyes to flicker open and readjust to the light and the person directly in front of her who peered intently at her. The sight of deep mahogany momentarily sped up her heart and panic overtook her mind; the peril of unanswered questions and confusing half-memories threatening to spill back into her consciousness. The panic must have reached her eyes and become clearly visible to her companion, as he hastily closed the gap between them and kissed her fully on the lips, before quickly pulling back and giving a small grimace, "Stop that."

"What?" she asked honestly confused with what exactly he was demanding she stop doing.

"Stop thinking, and just go to sleep," he said, giving an irritated sigh complete with a customary eye roll. She opened her mouth with the start of a protest before he quickly cut off all further attempts at her excuses: "Just forget it. I told you the past didn't matter, so just fucking forget it."

"Bu-"

"I'm going to sleep, you should too," he murmured, closing his own eyes, as she continued to stare at him, traces of irritation in her eyes. When she was about to open her mouth again - most likely to provoke him in some way to start a small fight - he instead pulled her tighter against him and let out a deep sigh as he nuzzled the top of her head with his own. "Just sleep. I'll protect you from the boogieman under your bed."

She didn't have to look up to visually confirm the small smile she heard in his voice. And while typically she'd be annoyed at his teasing, although only a slight transgression, she paused before finally relaxing in his grasp and weaving her arm under his to wrap over his side, moving her head to rest against the top of his chest. Just this once, she'd allow him to stay in her bed and comfort her. Even though she'd never dare admit she needed it and this intimacy after sex was a violation of their unofficial rules of engagement. If he was willing to stay, she was willing to have him there, just to let her have some security and assurance that sleep would come unhindered and untainted by dreams of the ghost of a teenage girl.

She titled her head up to place a small kiss to the hollow of his throat and received a grunt and a tightening of his grasp around her, in response. She smiled against his skin and allowed her eyes to close.

_My only self._

When she awoke in the morning, her bed was devoid of any life save her own, and his clothes were gone from the messy floor. She noticed the beer cans were also gone, probably in the incinerator already, or out on the kitchen counter for Jet to find. She sat up with a small sigh, her sheets falling away to expose her naked form, and moved a hand through her tangled hair attempting to move it out of her eyes. That's when her eyes fell upon the end of her bed.

"_You're still me, but you're a newer version … Am I alone, or is there a wonderful person next to me. Well knowing me, I'm sure you're causing all kinds of trouble for lots of different people. I'm sorry, I don't mean to. But it's alright, that's part of life too, isn't it? You're not perfect, but you've got a lot to give, so remember, I'll always be cheering you on."_

There, nestled in between the blue sheets was the black plastic box she'd been so desperately searching for the night before.

_I can't remember. I can't remember what self I am anymore._

And on top, a simple note. She snatched the white paper up eagerly, as if afraid it might disappear before she had a chance to read the words hastily scratched in black ink in the messy familiar scrawl of her partner.

_Alone…or with…_

"You don't need this, because the past isn't necessary, but I know you want it," she read aloud. And then beneath that, in much smaller print, "She's cheering for you to find what you lost -- Spike."

_A wonderful person beside me?_

She looked at the paper blankly for a few more seconds, before grabbing for the tape and turning it over in her hands a few times, feeling the hard smooth surface beneath her delicate manicured hands.

_Alone…_

She glanced up to the metal wall beside her bed and noticed a picture suspended between the wall and one of the various pipes. One of the Bebop crew that Ed had insisted upon after a bounty capture near Ganymede. The lot of them were gathered around the captured man who incidentally had black marker all over his face from their young resident artist who still held the evidence in her hand. Even Ein was in the captured memory, barking up at the man, as Jet grinned at the prospect of money. In the background were the last two bounty hunters both sucking on cigarettes and looking bored with the whole ordeal.

The picture was up there on her wall, strikingly obvious against the otherwise bare walls. The picture of the Bebop crew. The picture of her comrades. The picture of her…

_I don't know what or who I am anymore. But I'll keep looking to find out. I need to find my…_

family.

_home._

* * *

Never Part II: Wolf Cub is based upon Episode 19 of Cowboy Bebop: Speak Like a Child.

Two parts remain for the cowgirl.


End file.
